So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Randomize
