from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
