2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
