Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
