Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
