I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
