im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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