I love how my cats smell like pot.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
