i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
