I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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