My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
