Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
