Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
