mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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