I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
