I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
