cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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