You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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