you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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