He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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