From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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