he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
