My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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