But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
