i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize