TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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