If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
