i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
