I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
