im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
