ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
