The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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