I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
