Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
