puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
