She is in my trunk
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
