I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
