i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
