I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
