She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm getting married
To pizza
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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