His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
