Did you just see the Batmobile???
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
