her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
