yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
