I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
