just come out here and I will go home with you...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
