so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
