Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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