Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
