Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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