dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
