One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
