Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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