No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
