I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I want to walk on stilts...naked
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
