U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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