I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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